Amidst the chaos

Probably many of you, as I am, are struggling with the common reality of our world. We have another tragedy which has caused much chaos, death, injury, fear, hurt, and the list is endless.

While I contemplated what I might say about this recent tragedy in Boston, I have come to the conclusion I really don't have anything sufficient to say.  There really is so much pain in this world.  Sometimes I just want to crawl up in a ball and sleep the day away and never wake.  I see the world spinning around me, it makes me fearful for my children.

I look at the world around me. There is so much beauty; beautiful birds, beautiful weather, beautiful trees, beautiful people yet my heart breaks.  So many of God's children are suffering. Surely He must look down upon us and His heart must groan, and perhaps His eyes well-up with tears.  I guess I speak quite candidly to those of you that might be reading this. I guess I feel it my responsibility to share the strength that anchors my soul during such times of tragedy.

I anchor myself upon the sure rock of our Savior, even the Redeemer of this world. I pray. I hope. I continue and I believe.  I stumble along the way. I make mistakes. Yet, I know through the saving grace of our Redeemer I can repent and start anew.

In a world where multiple sources are pining for our attention, yearning for our time, and attacking our beliefs we must know how to decipher which source is true and which is the better part. 

For me, I choose to yield to our Heavenly Father, and His will. I try to surrender myself to our Savior. I pray for the return of the Savior.  He can heal broken hearts. He can mend the rips in our soul. He can fill the dark holes in our mind that get deeper with doubt throughout the years.  These holes can be filled with truth. The truth is here. It is not lost.

Here is the truth as I know.  God lives. He sent his son to SAVE us. His Son completed that mission with glory. Because of His Son all things can be made right if we are willing to repent and change. I can turn to the Lord in prayer and receive answers to my prayers and comfort to my soul.

I will BOLDLY type that He lives. He came to this earth to fulfill His mission. He completed that mission. I will profess His love for us in every way that I have means to accomplish this confession.
I will not deny the Christ.  He will come quickly to rule and reign.


















up with the truth. The truth that we are all sons and daughters of God. We are His.  He wants our happiness. He wants us to know him and his desires for us. He wans us to become like him.

Peace

Most likely I have very few readers, and that's alright.  After a very wonderful weekend filled with inspirational words and instruction, my heart is full.

This weekend Latter-day Saints gathered together throughout the world to listen to the counsel and warnings given by modern day prophets.

What struck me the most about the messages, was the powerful testimony given by each speaker.  Each spoke of the divinity of the Savior's mission and His pure love for each of us.  It was so comforting and faith promoting to sit and listen to the words of the gospel.  It was easy to let my faith increase and the spirit grow warm within me.

The Holy Ghost confirms truth.  I can not explain fully, nor do I understand fully the great atoning sacrifice given by our Savior. I do, however, know He did it for you and for me.  I know in a world that is ever shifting and changing to accommodate the vast darkness that is seeping into all the unstable crevices it can encompass, the only sure foundation lays in and through our faith in the Lord.

I know I am a peculiar individual. However odd I may seem, one truth remains: as the storms rage against me and my family, I know where to turn for peace. I know where to turn and how to call upon the Lord in my deepest moments of quiet solitude.  I know He hears my prayers and unaudible pleas within my heart.

Jesus Christ is more than just a nice idea.  He is more than an art depiction.  He is more than a kind leader to pattern our lives after.  He is everything. He is the way.

The only way we can be more like Him is to learn of Him.  We must become like Him through our actions and daily pursuits. He is our eternal friend.  He knows us better than we can possibly comprehend. He knows what is best for us.  He knows how to heal our broken hearts.
I can think of no greater comfort than that which lays in the realization and truthfulness of the Savior's enabling atonement.

He understands us perfectly. He knows how to succor us. He knows how to lift us. He knows how to calm us. He knows how to help us feel joy. He knows how to lead us back to our Father in Heaven,  if we just let Him in, if we just let go of ourselves, and become as He would have us be.

Happy Easter

It's been a wonderful week.  Although the world is rapidly becoming more and more radically torn into millions of pieces laying about, there still remains much reason for rejoicing.  Especially, on this beautiful Easter Sunday.

My son sang today in our worship services. He has an unpretentious voice with clear and meaningful deliverance.  He sang so wonderfully and nearly fearless.  Although, the moment was so very dear to me, and it was a profound tender mercy in my life as a mother, it was the message of the song that deepened the experience beyond all natural feelings.

I wanted my son to be a conduit for the spirit to surround those who may feel lonely, or perhaps feel they may have wandered off the path a step or two.  I wanted my boy to feel the Savior's love for him and for him to be enabled to deliver the message of the song with ease and love.

Before the meeting began, I pulled my child outside with me into the warm sunshine. I looked at him in his deep dark eyes and discussed with him the importance of his role in the meeting today.  We discussed how now it was time to turn his practice, worries, and fright over to the Lord.  We talked about how many souls would be in attendance at church today, and some would be coming for the first time in a very long time. We hoped together that he could be the instrument to touch the hearts of those who have come to fill their well.   We concluded our sun filled pow-wow with a word of prayer. I grabbed my son and pulled him in close and prayed with him in my arms.  I then looked at him in the eyes and told him I loved him.

As the meeting progressed the speakers delivered sermons of humility, love, and hope. Quickly the time  arrived for the musical number.  Choir members filed into their seats and my boy stood alone behind a black music stand. He began to sing.  It was glorious. I prayed behind him. I listened closely to every sweet note, trying to send invisible strength and courage toward him and just like that, the tears began to fall.

I was touched as my son sang with such sincerity.  I was moved by the stillness in the room. I was grateful to see his talents emerging and erupting. But, above and beyond these wonderful observations came the message of what he was delivering.  I soon became quite overwhelmed with the concept of the Savior's deep love for ME.  In all the time I had helped my son prepare to sing, I had a continual desire that he would have his faith increased. I did not know that the message would profoundly pierce my soul, and allow me to feel my individual worth, and to feel the Savior's love for me. I had come hoping to have others feel the stirring of the Holy Ghost and feel of God's love for them. I had come hoping my son would feel God's love for him. I know this love was felt. However, I did not anticipate feeling such an immense love proclaimed for me. I was surprised that amid my effort to send strength to my son, that the Spirit did penetrated that wall. I was focused in on my boy sending my motherly shield of invisible strength and suddenly I had become the child feeling the Lord's arm strengthening me.  I felt it so distinctly. Oh it was wonderful, wonderful to me!

In my efforts to pray for those who are feeling lonely or discouraged, quite unknowingly I had prayed for myself. I felt the power of the Holy Ghost confirm to me that there truly was a place in His arms
for me.

He knows all of our darkest hours. He knows all of our deepest pains.  He knows each one of us individually. He knows how to succor His children. He is the Almighty. He is the Savior of the world. I am so grateful He knows me.

For Alec Adam

Today I held my new born nephew.  He was so incredibly sweet.  I felt I already knew him, though we were just now meeting face to face.  Newborns have such wise eyes. There's no worldy confusion in the depth of their new eyes, no criticism, just an utterly wise look.  A look that seems to whisper, if you could only know where I have just left, and how I eagerly wait to help you learn of Him, that Great Maker of all mankind.

I believe we are made in the image of our Heavenly Father.  I believe we came to Earth to be proved. I believe much of the proving occurs when we bring souls into this world.  For me, I have learned chapters of knowledge that is filed away in the archives of my natural mind and will hopefully resurface as I seek to improve.

On this historic day in history I witness that God lives.  I have felt this truth throughout my life, and I feel it now as I bravely and ever so gingerly declare His truth with my stirring heart.

Many are confused.  The world is confused.  Children are suffering. Adults are suffering.  People live lonely lives and need to be found and rescued from the dark paths that had once seemed alluring and comfortable.  Let us all press on, and lead the rescue battalion, as we await the coming of the King.

Large with Child

It's late and I should be asleep.  I have an early morning call awaiting. Yet, sleep avails me.  My son turned fourteen today.  We had a wonderful celebration.

I now lay in bed thinking and worrying about my children.  A mother spends many sleepless nights. A crying infant is a much more welcoming reason to be sleep deprived, then sleep deprivation caused by worry.  Don't get me wrong.  I do set realistic parameters to the amount of worry I allow.  Some worry is actually good. For me a certain amount of healthy worrying testifies of our love for our children.  

I also worry about my spouse and extended family.  I worry for my friends, community, and ecclesiastical leaders.  I hope for their joy.  

I won't bore you with the specifics. But, I will just mention worry has a very simple antidote. Prayer. When I feel uneasy, when I fret, when I have that heavy sick feeling within my stomach, when I feel utterly alone, when I truly am helpless, when I am painfully overwhelmed, when I am discouraged, when I feel defeat, when I am embarrassed, I pray.  

When I was expecting our littlest Harris, I was serving in my church in a calling which was both highly emotion and extremely demanding.  I certainly felt blessed in my service, but being sick for nine months really took a toll.  I was very large child, and had three weeks to go until my due date. I had turned quite literally into a pink elephant; well, perhaps more of a tan elephant, being it was mid-summer.  

I remember we had a very special gathering with the women in our church boundaries. We had all gathered to discuss the words of the prophets and eat yummy ice cream sundaes with every divine topping imaginable.  With all thoughts of ice cream and homemade chocolate sauce aside, it was still a truly powerful meeting.   Just prior to the meeting I went and sat alone in the chapel.  There in the stillness of that sacred room, with the lights off, I sat.  I prayed.  I was so tired and so worn down.  I knew this night would be my last serving these women in the way I had been called.  

I prayed for the meeting to be a powerful one, a canon of sorts for all I had strived to teach my sisters under the direction of Holy Ghost. I prayed to know whether my offering unto The Lord was acceptable.  I prayed. Through my tears I felt a warmth come over me, and I knew I had been heard.

I can still feel that stillness in the chapel and my acute desire to lay my offering at the Lord's feet and feel it was good.  It stirs my soul as I now lay here remembering how He heard my prayer, how He answered and how He continues to answer me every day.

Lions, tigers, and bears! Oh, my!

Somehow I get in the way of my own progress.  I can list many other targets to blame, but at the end of the day usually the blame rests on the girl staring back at me in a dirty mirror.  Why do I make the same poor choices and the same tired mistakes over and over? Why do I find myself in a conversation I really would rather exit? Why does my courage sometimes seem to hide in a dark corner full of lions, tigers, and bears? I know better.

One reason I started this whole blog was to express myself to others that may relate to me.  I write in hopes to give strength to someone, somewhere, out in the cyber world.  I am somewhat guarded as to things I deem sacred, but I do hope to share a slice or two of how I try to get out of the way of my "progress". 

Really in the end, I think most of us humans want to be our best self.  Of course when searching for our best self it can often be found in praising and appreciating the "best selves" of those people around us.  I really believe where we live and those individuals we come in contact within our day to day lives is divinely orchestrated.

I think when we are happy for others accomplishments, gifts, talents, prosperity, beauty, personality, charisma, wisdom, grace, sense of humor, and so forth it multiplies our own individual feelings of self-worth.  For me, when I  sincerely look for the good, it can be found just as quickly as when I identity the faults and weakness in others. Piles of weakness stack high in my mind and body.  Sometimes I think why do I post and publish this silly blog?

But, I can't deny the import I feel about sharing sincere thoughts with my friends, and typing solid words to reflect upon in years to come.  Hopefully, in those years to come, I will have progressed.

Smile

Yes, the world is an amazing place.  We have so much at our finger tips. Forgive me but I think we have too much at our fingertips.  It's so easy to send out a harsh email, a rude text, or not so nice social media comment.  Often the send button seems to have a thousand cyber miles of protection behind a bold, underhanded comment.

I see this same brash movement on the streets as well.  Our cars seem to have some imaginary force field around them allowing sneering scowls, uneven vocal slurs, and angry hand gestures to escape with ease. What's happened?  Brotherly kindness seems to be a far-off myth that existed decades ago, when men opened doors for women, and women said thank you.

It seems smiles have disappeared from those that greet a stranger. Somehow strangers are just obstacles to bypass, and we seldom yield.  We are hurrying around getting from here to there and our minds swirling endlessly around to-dos, hairdos, and honey-dos.  Where are the smiles?

Really, where are the smiles?  In all reality everyone is a child of God.  All are precious in the eyes of God. Male, female, rich, poor, clean, dirty, kind, mean, large, small, sinner, saint, we all make up the vastly diverse human race.   If we could only realize the worth of each soul, the worth of our soul.  We would treat one another less curt, more gentle, and with a wide smile.